How To Criticize And Still Be Nice



Have you ever encountered an experience when someone told you

how fat you've become?   Maybe your boss have commented on how

bad your work turned out to be.  Maybe you've heard from other

folks how people view you as cold and unapproachable.


Hurts, doesn't it?


Believe it or not, some people can be so tactless that they

are not even aware when they've hurt anyone's feelings.  The

receiving parties, especially the sensitive ones, would be

offended by their remarks.  This would result in conflicts

and arguments.


You know you're doing them a big favor by saving them from

shame or disappointment, but would they realize your good

intentions instead of feeling hurt by your brutally frank

comments or advices?


They might probably think you're too rude or impolite.

But what can you do if you really need to assert an honest

criticism, but you're afraid of hurting others' feelings?


Want to know the secret?


All you have to do is sandwich your negative comment between

two positive remarks.


For example, your best friend Paul is going on his very first

date.  He's all excited and raring to go.  Now Paul doesn't

have any fashion sense.  He's wearing a bland shirt and old

jeans.  You know all along how he hates to admit that he's

wrong.  So what will you do to save Paul from an embarassing

first date?


Would you say to him that the outfit he's wearing is

repulsive?  That would hurt his ego.


Well, you can first point out the things that you like in his

overall appearance.  Comment on his well-groomed hair.  Tell

him he looks cool when wearing his sunglasses.  Ask him where

he bought his perfume because it can certainly attract women

like bees to honey.  Be sincere and honest.


Then, insert in a nice and suave manner your point of view

and advice.  You can tell him something like:


"Your shirt seems to be very comfortable to wear, Paul.  Since

this is your very first date, I think Sandra (his date) will be

much more impressed if you would wear something like the outfit

that you wore on my birthday.  You look smashing when you put

on clothes like that."


Afterwards, make another positive statement.  You could say

something like:


"You would definitely make a big impact on Sandra.  She would

fall heads over heels over your gorgeous appearance and cheerful

personality.  Have a great time on your date, Paul."


Do you think Paul would be offended by such pleasant comments?

Not a chance.  You have wittingly inserted a slightly negative

feedback into a plethora of acceptable and ego-boosting



People love compliments.  They believe they got the qualities.

They want other people to intensify the great abilities that

they believe to possess.  People wanted to hear their greatness

purported from someone else's mouth, and they would be very

glad if other individuals would know about it.


So if you want to criticize anybody, remember to praise him

first.  It will leave a positive impression that you're a

nice guy.  Then say what you have to say, but in a smooth

and non-offensive manner.  Finalize with another positive

reinforcement to establish a foundation of goodwill.